schools out for summer, about time, im so ready.
big decision deciding to do the play even with all the hard feelings, so we'll see how that goes,
but as far as school is concerned im done till next year. senior year here i come, and all the senioritis that comes with it.
i feel like this summer will bring me something new, maybe im heading towards a change in my life, maybe ill meet that someone i need to meet, or maybe someone i already know will become the someone i needed to meet, who knows? all i know is that i feel like its coming. lets hope...
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
so much for optimism.
got the shaft again. this time from the director of a play. nightmare before christmas. a girl plays jack and an aweful human being at that. and i as one of the only guys to try out who can sing gets cast as "vampire number 3". awesome..
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
time, or a lack there of..
i was just hit with a crippling feeling. the crushing realization that im 17 and i try and find something that has marked my life as adventurous, anything remotely interesting. lets just say my list was rather short. im terrified that when i grow up ill look back and find myself wanting.
ive also realized that my father is sickeningly worried about what other people think of him. i cant even look the way i want because hes worried what people will think about me and subsequently think about him as my father. for gods sake, let people think what they will. life's much to short. if people want to judge, let them waste their lives but dont drag me into it.
this summer, when i was in florida, i actually almost got into trouble, and i wont lie, it was one of the most exciting things ever, and i didn't even really do anything except stay out till like midnight and almost have the cops called to search for me and my friend. i need more life experiences like this, im so vanilla.
moral of the story, i need help, i need to hang with friends that will allow me to live life and break loose, ive already spent too much time worried what others think and im done. not that i really know how to do this anymore but hey, i can hope thats what friends are for.
ive also realized that my father is sickeningly worried about what other people think of him. i cant even look the way i want because hes worried what people will think about me and subsequently think about him as my father. for gods sake, let people think what they will. life's much to short. if people want to judge, let them waste their lives but dont drag me into it.
this summer, when i was in florida, i actually almost got into trouble, and i wont lie, it was one of the most exciting things ever, and i didn't even really do anything except stay out till like midnight and almost have the cops called to search for me and my friend. i need more life experiences like this, im so vanilla.
moral of the story, i need help, i need to hang with friends that will allow me to live life and break loose, ive already spent too much time worried what others think and im done. not that i really know how to do this anymore but hey, i can hope thats what friends are for.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
im going crazy.
ive realized that one of the only things that makes me really happy is playing music, but i don't want to try and do it for a living. why? because im too scared that if i try i will fail and i wont be left with anything to fall back on. honestly though, i could just sit with my guitar and play for hours and hours and be perfectly content, noone has to hear me or see me either, its not an attention thing, theres just something about music that makes me feel whole.
on the other hand im not prepared to live out of my car or sleep in the subways playing shows to try and get discovered. maybe because i know my family expects more out of me, iono. regardless i just wish i could find some way to make a living playing music, that would be the absolute paradigm of what could happen with my life.
ive realized that one of the only things that makes me really happy is playing music, but i don't want to try and do it for a living. why? because im too scared that if i try i will fail and i wont be left with anything to fall back on. honestly though, i could just sit with my guitar and play for hours and hours and be perfectly content, noone has to hear me or see me either, its not an attention thing, theres just something about music that makes me feel whole.
on the other hand im not prepared to live out of my car or sleep in the subways playing shows to try and get discovered. maybe because i know my family expects more out of me, iono. regardless i just wish i could find some way to make a living playing music, that would be the absolute paradigm of what could happen with my life.
rain
i love walking home from my bus stop. it incredibly relaxing for no particular reason. i guess maybe its like a break in between the stress of schoolwork and the stress at home from school.
it rained like crazy today so on my walk home i got to smell the smell of fresh rain, which is one of those smells thats really taken for granted.
i guess moral of the story is: taking a walk is relaxing and necissary. i love the smell of rain,( if u don't know it go smell the air after a hard rain and ull understand), and i really need to de-stress my life.
it rained like crazy today so on my walk home i got to smell the smell of fresh rain, which is one of those smells thats really taken for granted.
i guess moral of the story is: taking a walk is relaxing and necissary. i love the smell of rain,( if u don't know it go smell the air after a hard rain and ull understand), and i really need to de-stress my life.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Things That Hurt The Most
maybe i'm wrong, but it seems like as bad as bad news hurts , it really doesn't hold a candle to finality. i suppose it is because with finality there is an innate loss of hope involved and i think, that for most people anyway, that seems to hurt worse than any sort of bad news that could be given. just a thought.
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